It’s that time of year again. You know what I’m talking about, the time when competitors at the highest level battle in a clash of the Titans that makes the Thrilla’ in Manila look like a summer game of lawn darts. That’s right, it’s the Scripps National Spelling Bee. Also, what the fuck are lawn darts?
Scripps has a list up of the semifinalists, and browsing and picking favorites turns out to be a lot of fun. I’m torn beCtween 11 year-old Veronica Penny (“She likes to spend time in the kitchen, where her favorite meal is pork baby back ribs. For luck in spelling competitions, Veronica sleeps with a dictionary under her pillow and spells with a penny in her shoe”) and Kennyi Aouad (“Kennyi participated in the 2007 and 2008 national finals and is well-known for conquering the giggles to correctly spellsardoodledom in the 2007 Bee.”) I do know that I’m rooting against Claudine Broussard (“Claudine is a voracious reader, and the Bible is her most treasured book … A good day for Claudine is spent outdoors hiking with her parents and siblings, followed by a meal featuring pineapple pizza.”) Fruit does not go on pizza.
Is it wrong to bet on small children in a high-pressure situation they’ve probably been goaded into by their overbearing parents most likely to the most detriment of their social skills? Probably, but anyone that doesn’t think so is welcome to take my action. I’ve got faith in ribs and a lucky penny.

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