Cross-posted from my work blog Family PlanIt:

Every once in a while here at NFPRHA (where I’m at work right now) we get some hate mail. We’re not usually a big target for this sort of stuff, but we’ve been in the news lately and so it seems we’ve been attracting some of the wrong kind of attention. Instead of just laughing at them over lunch, I’m going to share a couple of them with you.

Here’s the first one, from Douglas F. Clark: “You guys should be happy that your parents didn’t have the same warped attitudes about life that you do. Just think, you might have wound up as an abortion yourself all in the name of protecting your [sic] mothers right to abort you just because she was your mother. What sound thinking that is. Don’t try and push that thinking on the rest of us. Just ask your mother why she didn’t do what you advocate. Guess no one would get to read this clever e-mail had your mother exercised her right to abort you on a whim.
Douglas Clark”

My favorite thing about this letter is the bizarre Back-to-The-Future argument about my mom – whose name, by the way, Douglas F. Clark needs to keep out his mouth. Wouldn’t it also be weird if I like went back in time and my parents never met and I wasn’t born! Woah, man. He adds a whole additional level of meta-ness by saying that I wouldn’t be able to read this letter had I been aborted. But then would he have sent the letter? And to whom? Would we all wear different hats in this other reality? I do love a hate letter that questions the basis of the time-space continuum… 

Our second letter comes unsigned, but much worserly spelled: “For the love of God (assuming you belief in [sic] him), quit with the [sic] dissapointment over [sic] loosing your share of this [sic] bogous [sic] stimulous money. You are in no position to be upset….this is something that is the responsibility of those who are killing the unborn. You should be ashamed of [sic] yourslelves for even expecting it. The only “good” thing about your org….is you are killing off future generations of liberals. Now….go have a latte and aborte yourselves, please.”

I thought the “please” at the end was a nice touch. Although I’m still not sure if he – I’m gonna guess it’s a he – was trying to rhyme “latte” with “aborte” in some sort of olde English rhyming scheme. That would be impressive. I just got the ‘okay’ from Communications Director Allison Conyers to introduce the NFPRHA Haters Disambiguation Challenge. The reader who can best explain what the second sentence – “You are in no position to be upset….this is something that is the responsibility of those who are killing the unborn” – means to my satisfaction will win a NFPRHA tote-bag. We’ll be publishing the best entries on Family PlanIt. Dust off those college English textbooks and let’s figure out what the Hell NFPRHA is being accused of. E-mail me at to enter.